Insert Racist Joke Here

So I wanted to say that I got almost six months of stories from my eBook clients. I can’t just list all of them right now, or you would be reading for ages. But over time, some of the more memorable ones will be talked about.

I’ll tell you what happened today. Actually, about a month ago, someone bought two copies of the same eBook. This usually happens when that person did not bother to read that it is an eBook. So when they pay, I e-mail them and tell them, “Hey, loser, read that crap and know what your buying!”. Actually, I don’t quite say that, I am usually much ruder.

Having customers who buy eBooks without knowing that they are eBooks is something I have to put up with. Since the eBooks are delivered automatically, they will know that they bought an eBook right away. It all depends on the customer. Some customers totally ignore the e-mail that gives them instructions on downloading the eBook. Once, a customer went through the process of downloading the eBook, and then she e-mailed me. “Okay, I downloaded the eBook, but this looks like the entire text of the actual book. Have I done everything right?”. And I’m like, “yes you have, obviously, you downloaded the eBook and can read it, so what’s the problem?”, assuming that everything is okay. And then she’s like “So when will I get the hard copy in the mail?”. This made me quite irriated for the next couple of weeks.

In general, when customers buy an eBook without knowing, they have very different responses. A few totally freak out on me and insist that I scammed them out of their money. Some e-mail me with their life story and how they need this book, and want a refund to get a real book. A bunch say nothing and blame themselves. But many of them say, “cool, I didn’t know you could get books this way!”. They are hooked and always come back for more.
When customers buy two copies of an eBook, then it sounds like they didn’t know it was an eBook. But not always. Some buy a whole bunch to give to their friends. One lady bought two eBooks - one for home and one for work!

eBooks will slowly take over corporate culture. Hundreds of my customers (judging by their e-mail addresses) work for the government, large companies, even the United Nations. So they are reading at work. So you can blame me when it takes forever to get your tax return. If I remember, I will be giving you tips to get revenge on the IRS.

Anyways, that’s enough for now. I got completely sidetracked, as this obviously has nothing to do with my title.

A month ago, a customer purchased two copies of the same eBook, which is Why Do Men Fall Asleep After Sex?. It is written by the same doctor as Why Do Men Have Nipples?. Apparently, the doctor goes to parties, and when people find out he is a doctor, they ask him questions, like those titles. So he teamed up with a writer from the show ER, and they made this book, which became an instant bestseller. But seriously, what caught my attention, is that the buyer’s user ID was something like dacutenigga and had an e-mail address that ended with @localhookupz.com . Trust me, you don’t want to go to that website. The buyer obviously had a name like Tyrone Bronson Washington. But seriously, none of these details are exactly the same, because if the buyer is reading this blog, he may get his entire hood after me. And I don’t think they are going to be buying eBooks, except for the one called How To Kill An eBook Seller!

So anyways, I e-mailed the buyer and said “Hey cutenigga, sup dog! Fo shizzle! You bin readin’ da crunk in da joint? Dis a techno wares, fo shizzle!”. Anyways, I fully expected that the customer would understand what I was saying, because I sure didn’t! But dacutenigga did not bother to answer my e-mail. And then a month later, I get a nasty e-mail from dacutenigga (who has changed his user ID to something less offensive), and it had some harsh things to say. The e-mail came in today, a Saturday morning, and the buyer says: “If I don’t receive this book in 24 hours, I am going to take it up with Paypal, and they are going to make sure that your account is permenantly deleted.” First of all, how can you expect to get your book in 24 hours, on a Sunday, when USPS is not working. Second, did you read the damn listing? Obviously not. Third, do you think that a seller who has carried out thousands of successful sales is going to have his account permenantly deleted? As far as I am concerned, e-mails like this one (which are very rare) should not be answered.

Anyways, that is all for now. Next entry, I will have more stories, and I will tell you how to get revenge on the IRS.